Persevering Momma

Taking The Day One Spoon At a Time

Don’t Shame Moms For How They Feed Their Babies

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I rarely got backlash when feeding my first son. I nursed him for 26 months and often did it in public without a nursing cover. I’m thankful that I never got told to cover up or stop even when I was nursing him when he was two years old, but I can’t say it has been the same with my second son.

Anyone who knows me knows that I had all the plans to nurse Gideon for just as long as Raiden, however things didn’t go as planned this time around.

I fought. I struggled. I cried. I bled.

And yet I just couldn’t nurse my son. He got a lip tie revision. He got a tongue tie revision. We went to two different lactation consultants for two months. Week after week. I tried pumping. I tried power pumping. I tried every type of milk boosting tip I could find. But I couldn’t get my supply up.

I was going crazy. I had a starving baby.

Yes, he got formula, too. That wasn’t even working.

I felt like I had failed my son and he was only 2 months old.

I felt like I had failed him because people were still pushing me to nurse him. I wanted to nurse him oh so desperately. I just couldn’t do it. I was stressed. I barely slept. I cried the days away. I would try to tell everyone I was done nursing and pumping to only get told to keep trying because my baby needed my milk. I knew this and people just didn’t want to listen.

Then Covid-19 hit and as odd as it sounds it was a blessing in disguise. I didn’t have to hear everyone tell me to nurse. Doctor appointments became fewer and more spread out.

Gideon started to really thrive. I was able to breathe again.

Things aren’t perfect now, but at least he is doing so much better. He has gotten the help he needs and now I can show people that he is doing so much better without my milk.

He is growing and thriving on his medicine and his special formula. He is thriving and hitting milestones because his has his momma back. I’m no longer beating myself up for something that was out of my control. Instead I am happy and helping him to keep growing in our own way.

Sleepless Nights: Will They Ever Go Away?

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Ever wonder if those sleepless nights will go away? I ask myself this question most nights. It feels like a never ending cycle.

When I was pregnant with my son everyone said get all the sleep you can get; however I struggled with sleep. I was stressed and I was in pain (let’s not talk about how I slept on an air mattress for three months during my pregnancy). Then my beautiful son arrived and with his cluster feeding sleep was short-lived and I never slept long enough to hit REM sleep.

My son is now 4 years old and I still can’t sleep at night. What is wrong with me!?

I also have a 7 month old who is an amazing sleeper and has slept through the night almost from birth. Its amazing! So why the hell do I lay away at night while the whole house is asleep?

Sleep deprived
This is the face of one tired mom.

My Sleep Solution: Melatonin

After months of laying awake for hours in bed I knew that I needed to find a solution to my madness with each passing day I became more and more tired. There was no catching up and I knew that I couldn’t handle this cycle any longer.

That is when I found out about Melatonin from my doctor. I have avoided taking supplements without doctor approval in the past due to the fact that they don’t always react the way they should due to my Charcot Marie Tooth disease. She said this was a safe solution to my problem. On my way home I picked up a bottle at my local pharmacy.

I have now been taking Melatonin for two weeks and for the most part feel ten times better in the morning than I had been. Some nights I still struggle with falling asleep, but as long as I take my Melatonin an hour and a half before bed I actually feel sleepy enough to fall asleep.

Instead of laying in bed for hours awake I lay in bed for a few minutes before falling asleep. It has made a huge improving my life. I cannot believe how much better I feel being able to sleep through the night with uninterrupted sleep.

If you are like me and struggle with sleeping then you might want to ask your doctor about taking Melatonin as well. It might be the solution for you. My doctor knew I needed a natural answer to my problem because I was be to scared to take a sleeping pill with a toddler in my home. I need to be able to wake up if something is wrong with my son or if there is an emergency.

If you have ever taken Melatonin before I would love to hear how it worked or didn’t work for you in the comments below. If you have a different solution that has worked for you I would also love to hear it. I am always willing to consider trying new techniques.

Getting The Car Ready For a Newborn with a Little Car Seat Safety

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This post about infant car seat safety is sponsored by Chicco.

If you are expecting a newborn then there are a few things you might want to do to prepare for baby’s arrival when it comes to car seat safety. I know that I am in nesting mode right now. I have about 10 weeks left until baby arrives and that means I want to make sure everything will be ready and will work for baby when he arrives.

The first thing I like to do is to clean both cars. This allows me to know that I will have a clean area to work with while we play with where the car seat will go in our cars. If you have any other children then you will want to think about whether or not you will need to rearrange any of the seats. We know that we will be moving our forward-facing son to be behind the driver’s side of both cars so that we still have enough legroom for the driver.

One thing to note is that you should not use any aftermarket items with your car seats. This means no seat covers or pads under the car seats unless the manual states that you can use a towel or a product that’s sold by that manufacturer. We personally don’t use anything under our seats.

The second thing you will want to do in the case of using something like the Chicco Bravo Quick-fold Trio Travel System is to take the base for the car seat and try installing it in any vehicles that might use the base when baby arrives. This particular base has a very simple way to level the seat. There are two bubble level guides to check and offers an easy spring loaded leveling system that makes it easy for anyone to level.

Once you have the base installed you can click in the car seat to make sure that there is enough space for the seat to fit comfortably. Without pressure from the seat in front of it. After checking this you may want to practice installing the car seat carrier into the car without the base in case you choose to put baby into a car that does not have a base installed in it.

Choosing The Right School System For Your Child Is Stressful!

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Ever think you have it all figured out and then your mind is just blown by a new idea? This is me right now. While I was pregnant we had decided that when our son is old enough that we would homeschool him, but now here he is almost 2 and we are questioning our decision.  I am quickly realizing that choosing the right school system isn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be.  My son will be 2 this winter and I am already stressed about Preschool.

Why are we questioning the decision to homeschool?

We aren’t questioning homeschooling our son because we have something against it. Instead we are questioning true social aspect of homeschooling him. My hubby had two siblings at home with him so there were no issues with social integration, but little Raiden is an only child, at least for now, and that makes us wonder if we should look into other options.

Where we currently live we are not comfortable with him going to public school. The area is rough and that schools really aren’t a good option for him. That is why we are considering Montessori school as an option for our son.

We live in an area where we are lucky enough to have two different Montessori schools within a reasonable driving distance and it makes us curious to see exactly what they are all about.

What is a Montessori school?

I’m That Anxious Mom

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Yes, I am that anxious mom. I’m just not the type of anxious mom that you’re probably thinking of. I am not one of those clingy moms that is worried about every little thing that’s has to do with my son. No, that’s not me.

I am a mom with anxiety.

I have battled with anxiety my whole life and have always found ways to push through it, but man being a parent is hard work!

My anxiety has never been as bad as it has been since I became a mom and today I am admitting it to the whole world.

Being a parent isn’t easy and more often than not it is very stressful. When I am stressed things get rough. That is when my anxiety flares and I start to lose it.

When my anxiety hits I can’t sleep and I’m always tired. I struggle to force myself to be active and interact with my son and the people around me. I tend to have a short fuse and often become very emotional. This all often leads to me not leaving the house. I become a homebody because it’s just too hard to function in the real world.

It’s a daily battle and some days are better than others.

In the past two years my anxiety has never fully gone away. Some days are significantly better than others while some days I struggle to get out of bed. Battling anxiety with a child is tough because it causes even more doubt and even more anxious thoughts.

I’m not depressed, but there are days when I feel like a failure because I back out of a play date for my son or because I just couldn’t sit and play with him like I wish I had one day.