I feel like many of you know me well, especially since I have shared with you all so much about my infertility issues with PCOS, Endometriosis and I shared the story of my miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies.
Now I come to you and ask all the readers of Parsimonious Pash for their heartfelt opinions. Recently my husband and I have found out our insurance will fully pay for in-vitro fertilization, also known as IVF. IVF is when the eggs are fertilized outside the body and then returned to the woman’s uterus. As you know since I had two ectopic pregnancies, I no longer have fallopian tubes. So there is no chance what so ever of me getting pregnant via any traditional means.
My husband is 40 has 3 kids to a previous marriage, I am like stated 37 and have my two beautiful daughters you read all about. Not to mention we have guardianship of an 18 year old boy, who will be leaving us soon for the Navy.
Everyone tells us we have it made because our kids are almost grown, I don’t really consider a 9 year old almost grown, but eh, what can you say to some people.
Now this is one of the hardest decisions of my life. I never felt like I was done being a mother, or having babies, I just felt as if I was robbed of my choices. I always wanted 5 kids. I know many people may think that is nuts, but you have to understand me to understand how this would be normal. I live and breathe the whole Mommy thing. I don’t think I was ever cut out to be anything but a mother. I love every single thing about it. I love the house taking care of the house, the kids, the cooking; it’s what I think I was put on this earth for.
My husband is on the fence, while he wants to make me happy and give me that bond we lack between each other by having a child of our own. Sometimes it’s hard to be a blended family of his and mine without the ours.
We have been talking about this for almost 2 weeks now and we are not even sure how our families would take it, but, we did ask my kids about it since they do live with us and they are all for it. Well, at first the youngest was not for it because she thought she would no longer be mommy’s baby. Well, I put that fear to rest quickly.
Knowing some of my background and knowing what I have been through, I am asking all the readers here if they would please take a moment of their time and give me an opinion of what they feel. I am really struggling with this.
I have sat long and hard wrapped up in my own thoughts to make sure it’s not my desire to just have a child due to the fact I can’t have a child traditionally. Yeah know, basically one of those you always want what you can’t have type things, and I truly know in my heart it’s not that.miscarriage ritual (Photo credit: subvert.com)
My husband is worried about health problems I have, because I do have the early stages of heart disease but I have made all the chances needed to be made, I take my medication and I know the cardiologist would give the okay, it’s just a husband basically worried about his wife, and rightfully so, but I would never do it without the cardiologists okay, which I know will not be a problem.
He worries because my pregnancy with Amber was high risk. But that was also over 9 years ago. Our bodies do a major change every 7 years and I am willing to go through all horrible things it did to my body, to have another baby. When pregnant with her I had vitamin deficiencies so bad because she was taking every ounce out of me, she was fine, and I was a wreck. I even lost a lot of hair. So much for that beautiful mane we are supposed to get during pregnancy, I looked horrible! Lol But, I got over it and my hair grew back, small price to pay for that beautiful bundle of love I have had the pleasure to raise these past 9 years.
So I need your help… This is a major cry for help… I want your opinions. Do you think we should go forward and have that baby I have longed to have all these years or should I just be thankful I have these two beautiful children and give up?
Latest posts by Melissa Cwynar (see all)
- Infertility at 37 Hard Choices - June 16, 2013
- The Struggle of 12 Miscarriages and 2 Ectopic Pregnancies - June 14, 2013
- Seriously… Secondary Infertility Endometriosis What? - June 11, 2013