If you thought that breastfeeding was going to be rainbows and sunshine then you are in for one hell of a surprise. You are doing what’s best for baby, but that doesn’t make it easy.
I read so many articles about how amazing breastfeeding is and it got me so excited to do it when Raiden was born. Why shouldn’t I be excited?
I would be providing for my baby; giving him the food he needs to grow strong from my own body.
I would be creating a bond like no other with him from the skin to skin contact.
I would be giving him miracle juice that would help him if he got sick by providing him with the necessary antibodies to fight off the illness.
When Raiden was born I was so lucky that he was an easy latch. He ate his first meal from my breasts an hour after his birth. He wiggled and squirmed his way to my breast finding a home for him there. It was such a happy moment for me. I loved every moment in the hospital. I had constant skin to skin contact with him and I loved feeling him suckle on my breast.
We had our ups and our downs over these past three months, but this past week has been the hardest one yet. I live my little boy, but this week I have wanted to tear my hair out and cry at the same time.
Because it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
This week I suddenly had a drastic decrease in milk for an unknown reason. Nothing really changed. I sleep the same hours. I eat the same foods. I use the same products on my body. None the less my supply has been cut in half.
Raiden is needing 2-3 bottles of extra milk a day. He eats from my breasts and will still be hungry. Instead of pumping when he finishes I have to go prepare a bottle because I’ve been home alone during the day and he still isn’t happy being set down alone. He really won’t be set down without screaming when he is still hungry.
I was thankful for my frozen breastmilk the first day and half, but those five bags of milk quickly were gone. I had to resort to formula.
Finding a supplemental formula is freaking hard!
He is picky. I was thankful for formula samples because this boy was spitting out all of the formulas I was giving him. This made me ball my eyes out.
I felt like I was failing my son.
What I didn’t realize was that I wasn’t failing my son I was doing everything I could for him and when I found a formula that he does like and doesn’t make me extra gassy it was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders.
We are still battling this lack of production, but we are doing it with our heads held high…
Because I am a good mom and my son is showing that to me more and more each day.
Ashley
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