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My Baby Boy’s Birth Story

February 22, 2017 by Ashley 1 Comment

My son is turning one this week and this milestone makes for the perfect time to share his birth story with the world!

Raiden Alexander’s Birth Story

The story of my son’s birth isn’t all that exciting, but it is one that I want to remember until the end of time.  We began our day bright and early; because I had a scheduled cesarean section we knew exactly when we had to be at the hospital.  I was the lucky duck who had to arrive at 5am, but was worried that the weather would cause our 30 minute drive to be an hour drive that I made us pack the car a little before 4am.

My instincts were slightly off and it only took us 30 minutes to get to the hospital and this meant that we were earlier than I planned for us to be.  It didn’t stop us though.  The front doors had just been unlocked to the hospital and we made our way up to the maternity ward.  I was pleased that they got us right in and we didn’t have to wait until 5am to get into a room.  This meant that we got me ready sooner than planned, but this was a good thing because as per normal it took a few attempts to get my IV in place.

It was after everything was in place that I thought I was going to die.  It was right around 6:30am when I got this god awful pain in my lower back and left hip.  I swear I wanted to double over from the pain. It was like no other pain I have ever been in.  I soon learned that I was having contractions and that they had moved into my back causing me this awful pain.  It was this pain that led them to bringing us downstairs to the OR.

You would think I should have assumed it was contractions, but with the random pains that I get on a daily basis I had assumed it was just one of those crazy pains. Boy was I wrong!

 

Prep Me Up For This C-Section

The next hour was a blur though it felt like it took forever! We sat in the OR prep room for almost an hour because the doctor was running behind. We had been having terrible storms that had caused us to miss my last pre-op doctor visit and caused my doctor to lose power in his home that morning.

Once I was brought into the OR things began moving forward though I hated being in their alone with all the doctors until they were ready to start the surgery. Once they were ready to begin and I was drugged up my lovely man came strolling in.

This is when it got interesting. No, seriously it did because I was a hoot. The morphine they had me on made me crazy loopy. There were times when I forgot what we were doing because I was do high on my medication. From what I’ve been told I had some real interesting things to say.

Lol.

I was thankful for pictures because I barely remember my baby boy being brought to me in the OR. It is one reason why I wish I hadn’t been so medicated.

But the medication had to happen because I never would have been calm enough on the operating table.

It hurts to say it, but I can’t remember my son first being laid on my chest in my room. I was still too drugged up. The pictures of him first lying on my chest are just too precious, but I wish I could remember the feel of him wiggling his way to my breast the first time to nurse.

Even with the spaces where I cannot remember things due to the medication I was on I couldn’t have had a better birthing experience.  The birth of my son is something that I was always remember and cherish.  I cannot wait until he is all grown up and I can share with him this birth story.

I would love to hear your birth stories in the comments below.

Filed Under: Baby, Family, Featured, Parenting Tagged With: Caesarean section, Health, Mother

Hospital Bag Packing Guide for a C Section

November 24, 2015 by Ashley Leave a Comment

I have been stressing about what I should pack in my hospital bag knowing that I am going to be having a C Section.  That is why I did a ton of research including asking family and friends who have had C Sections what they would suggest I take in my hospital bag.  After all of this research I felt the need to write my Hospital Bag Packing Guide for after a C Section.  This guide includes everything that I plan on bringing with us to the hospital.  This guide will include my hospital bag, one for my little baby boy, as well as one for my significant other.

If you have any suggestions on items that I should pack or one’s that you feel are unnecessary please let me know.  I find outsiders help to be the best advice out there.  Experienced mothers know what they are doing and I feel like I can trust their advice.  On ward we go.  Have fun reading.  I hope it is helpful!

Mother’s Bag (My Bag)

✓  Identification & Insurance papers – If you have any important medical paperwork you will want to bring it along with your ID and insurance cards.  This could include a patient advocacy form or a DNR form if you have either of these in place.  It is always better to be safe than sorry.

✓  Wallet – You never know what you may need with you so you might as well bring your entire wallet with you.

✓  Electronics – When you do have a little bit of down time you may want your electronics with you.  They would make for a way to get into contact with the outside world.  Your friends and family that are not there with you at the hospital may also be trying to reach out to you through them as well.

✓  Nightgowns – A couple of nightgowns will be nice to have with you so that you have something comfortable to wear in the hospital.  I know I hate the gowns that they provide you with at the hospital and if people will be coming and going I will be wanting to be covered up.  You can bring some comfortable clothes as well, but I think I would prefer just being in a nightgown.

✓  Bathrobe – If you have a bathrobe you might want that as well so that you can have an extra layer to wear when you walk around the hospital if you get a chill.

✓  Nursing bras – Even if you aren’t planning to breast feed you will probably want to invest in a nursing bra or at least a soft stretchy bra to bring a little comfort to your swollen, tender breasts as you start to produce milk.

✓  Nursing Pads – I have been told that these will be a godsend if and when my breasts leak milk.

✓  Slippers – I have been told to invest in slippers without backs that I can slip my feet into without having to bend over, but I know I will not be able to walk in those so instead I will be investing in a pair with backs that I can slip my feet into without bending over and will stay on my feet so that I do not trip and fall.

✓  Depends and Underwear – I was not prepared with my last pregnancy and had no comfortable underwear or pads for after the birth of my daughter.  This time I will be prepared.  I plan on buying Depends to bring with me for the first couple of nights when the incision is the most tender.  This should help and make it so that I do not have to worry about pads before I feel like making multiple trips to the bathroom.  I will also be bringing some c panty’s with me because I have read that they are rather comfortable and helpful for post C Section surgery.

✓  Toiletries – I know that I will want to feel clean and be clean while I am at the hospital.  Hygiene is important so I will be packing toothpaste, toothbrush, deodorant, face wash, and shampoo/conditioner to use when I get the chance to take a shower.  The soap that they offer at the hospital is not as nice as the stuff I have at home.

✓  Pillow, pillow case, and blanket (optional) – I still haven’t decided if I will be bringing these, but I was told that it can be nice to have a few of my own possessions with me.

✓  Nursing Pillow – I have been told this will be my savior because it will keep the baby from resting against the incision or anywhere tender.  Everyone seems to agree that the Boppy is the must have nursing pillow so I plan on getting one of these for me to use.

✓  Abdominal Binder (optional) – This is optional, but probably a good idea to have because coughing and sneezing can be painful.  I plan on getting one, but I do not know if I will use it as much as I think I will.

✓  Wipes – I always bring wipes with me places because sometimes a shower is not feasible.  Being disabled some days a shower is just too hard so I like to be able to quickly clean up myself so that I don’t smell and feel clean.

✓  Outfit – If you feel like you will want to get fully dressed at the hospital you can bring more than one outfit, but I know I won’t want to so I just plan on packing an outfit for myself to leave the hospital in.

✓  Breast Pump – Regardless of whether or not you are breast feeding you will probably want a breast pump with you.  When your breasts fill up with milk they can become quite painful and getting your baby to latch sometimes takes a little bit of time.

Baby’s Bag

 

✓  Socks – You will want your baby’s feet to be warm and these will be good if you have your little one dressed in gowns or if you leave him in the hospitals provided clothes you may want these.

✓  Mittens – These will help protect your little one from scratching himself with his sharp little nails.  It can be too difficult to get them clipped real short when they are newborns.

✓  Cap – Your little one might not have much or any hair so a cap will help keep his head warm as well as keep in his body heat.  This is especially important if your baby is due in the colder months.

✓  Diapers – The hospital will provide you with diapers, but you may want to bring your own especially if you already have a specific brand or style of diaper that you intend to use you might want to bring them with you.  Free is always nice, but that doesn’t mean it is always the best for you or your little one.

✓  Talcum powder or Coconut oil – Your baby is going to have some dry skin and their first bowel movements will not be much fun for him.  Due to this you may want some talcum powder or coconut oil for his tender skin.

✓  Cute Outfit – You will want a cute outfit for newborn pictures if you plan to have someone come in and take them.  Even if you don’t plan on having someone take pictures it is fun to have a cute outfit to dress him in on his way home.  You will be wanting to take pictures of him leaving the hospital as well as arriving home for the first time.  Seeing as how I am planning a pirate themed nursery I plan on getting my little one a very cute pirate themed outfit to go home in.

✓  Baby Blanket – This isn’t a necessity as you will be given a receiving blanket at the hospital, but it may be nice to bring your own newborn blanket or swaddles to wrap your little one in.

✓  Feeding bottle – The hospital will have newborn bottles for you to use, but feel free to bring your own if you have certain ones that you want to use.  This will make it so that you do not have to transition from one nipple to another.  I plan on bringing some with me in case he does not latch on right away and needs to be fed with a bottle.

✓  Car seat – You will want your car to be equipped with a car seat for your little one to ride home in.  You will not be allowed to go home without one.

Daddy’s Bag

 

✓  Wallet & identification papers – These will be needed if daddy goes in and out of the hospital at all so that he can get back into the maternity ward to be with mom and baby.

✓  Phone, charger, & headphones – These will be important devices to have just in case family and friends are trying to get in touch with him or the mom.  They will also help keep him entertained during any down time when he isn’t sleeping.

✓  Toothbrush & toothpaste – Hygiene is always important and if daddy doesn’t have to get back to work then he will want to be able to clean up as well.

✓  Comfortable Shoes – Daddy might be pacing some of the time so he will want comfortable shoes or slippers to wear.

✓  Extra Clothes – If daddy is able to stay at the hospital with mommy then he will want to bring some extra clothes to change into.  They will help him to feel clean while staying in this room for days on end.

✓  Pajamas – Pajamas are nice for when mom and dad get to get a little shut eye.  They also happen to be a lot more comfortable to wear.

✓  Blanket – The hospital provides blankets, but you never know how warm or cold you may get so it can be nice to bring your own blanket as something comfortable to use while sleeping.

✓  Pillow – A pillow is a must.  This will help daddy to sleep as well because it will bring some extra comfort for him when the pull out bed is getting to him.

Filed Under: Baby, Family, Featured, Parenting Tagged With: Caesarean section, Infant, Pregnancy

A Mother’s Love is Eternal Despite Adoption

April 30, 2014 by Ashley 33 Comments

My Road To Freedom

A Story About Adoption From The Birthmother’s POV

Note: This is/was the hardest thing I have ever written or shared with people before. I hope you enjoy and hope that it helps someone out.

Six years ago my whole world turned upside down. I was a young woman of 20 years of age and I found myself pregnant, living with my boyfriend on a very meager income. He was working at McDonald’s at the time and we were barely able to pay all of our bills and afford gas and food. There was no real logical way to afford a child on top of that. At that same time I was going through a rough patch physically because of my handicap and was filing for Social Security Disability with the state of Michigan. That meant I had a long wait for court seeing as the state was really backed up on court dates.

Making The Right Decision

I began to panic. I wasn’t sure what to do. How do you make the decision when you are so young and so inexperienced with life? I know there are many teen parents out there and I know many people had children young, including my ex-boyfriends parents who were twenty when they gave birth to him. I had gone through many years of my life telling myself that I would never have a child.

I was afraid to put a child through the suffering that I went through as a girl growing up with a handicap and that made making a decision that much harder. I knew I had three real options. The first being an abortion, the second adoption, and the third was keeping the baby and raising him or her on our own. I have never been completely opposed to abortion and know that for some it is a necessary evil. Many people will disagree with me on this and feel free to I will not be offended.

To be completely honest here, abortion was something I was considering strongly in the first few months of the pregnancy though I quickly realized that it would be physically, emotionally, and financially difficult for me to go through with. That was soon thrown out the window because I did not have the money readily available for such a procedure and yes I am reluctant to admit that I considered abortion as an option so publicly. I am admitting this here for the first time ever.

Finding The Right Family

Once I knew I was not having an abortion I began looking into adoption agencies and the like. I was nervous, scared, and had no idea what I was doing. I finally started looking at families out there that were looking to adopt a loving little baby. I honestly thought that this part was going to be the easiest part of the whole ordeal, but I was wrong.  I was very wrong. I felt it would be completely necessary that I disclose my medical history as well as my ex-boyfriends medical history as well. This proved to make finding a family even harder.

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No one seemed to want to be given the chance to love and care for a special little baby with all of the possible health risks that the baby could potentially be born with. This threw me into a downward spiral. I became depressed and felt completely defeated. I began to think that maybe I was doing the wrong thing. I cried a lot and thought I was a terrible person. I even had some people say that I should have just had an abortion, but I kept looking anyway.

I went to another adoption agency and was sent three potential family’s information and one caught my eye. They sounded so perfect and their story was heart wrenching. It made me tear up and cry. I knew I had to contact them and from that first conversation with them I knew I had found the parents for my baby. I still cried a lot. I hated going for my check ups. The ultrasounds were unbearable.

The Pregnancy Turmoil

I went to all of my doctor appointments alone. I sat there crying during the exams because I knew I was doing the right thing and yet a huge part of my heart was breaking and the baby wasn’t even born yet. Before I got to the point of giving birth I made a few things clear. I knew I needed an open adoption. I could not have handled not knowing if my baby was ok, I needed to know if the baby was healthy and I wanted the family to be able to reach out to me if any health concerns came along. My next stipulation was that when the baby was born I did not want to see or hold him or her. For me that was a big concern. I knew my heart would burst if I held my baby. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to let go.

The months flew by and I was soon hit with the reality that not only was my birthday around the corner, but so was the birth of my child. I remember my birthday pretty clearly. It was a very sad day for me. My ex-boyfriend worked and I was home at the apartment alone. I had no one around, but the baby. I had chosen not to tell my family what I was doing because my ex-boyfriend had said that his could never find out. It made everything so much harder. I felt completely alone through the whole thing.

I did not feel like I was getting any support from my ex-boyfriend or our close friend. I cried whenever I was alone and I tried to be strong around my ex because it didn’t seem like he could handle anything else. I did manage to get through my birthday and the beginning of the next month.

Planning For The Birth

April was the last and final month before the baby would grace everyone’s presence in this world and after much discussion and many tests in the doctors office it was decided that I would have to have a Cesarean Section instead of a natural birth. I do not have enough rotation in my one hip which caused me to be unable to have a wide enough birth canal for a safe natural birth. We planned everything out so that everyone could be there and that was not easy.

We had to make sure it fit with the doctor’s schedule, mine, my boyfriends, and the adoptive parents schedule as well. On top of that I had all of the craziness of explaining to my doctor and the hospital staff about the adoption and how I wanted everything to work. The papers were written up to have my ex as my patient advocate in case anything happened during the surgery while I was asleep. We also had to make sure that the staff knew that neither of us wanted to see or hold the baby.

Everything was planned for April 30th. She would have a great birthday. When the adoptive parents told me that they wanted to meet beforehand I was excited and nervous at the same time. I could not say no to them. I really wanted to meet them and give them both hugs.

It took me a week to convince my ex to go out to dinner with me when I went to meet them the weekend before having the baby. The dinner was very nice. We ate and chatted. Talked about who we were and who they were as well as any medical concerns that I had and they had about the conditions that this little bundle of joy might have. And then we went our separate ways.

The Birth of a Special Little Girl

The day of the surgery was a tough one. I wasn’t all that prepared really. We rushed there and all four of us were taken in to fill out paperwork and again go through how the adoption was going to go. This meant giving them all the rights and things once the baby was born. Making sure the hospital had their information for billing purposes and everything else. Much of that day is a blur. I cannot remember everything that happened though I do have all of my paperwork from the hospital and lawyer.

From there I went and got ready for surgery which meant I was soon left with the doctors and nurses alone. Everything inside of me was shaking. I felt like my heart was breaking and I didn’t want anyone to see. I was thankful my ex wasn’t there even if I wanted a hand to hold as they put me to sleep. I remember seeing all of the smiling faces as I drifted off in the operating room.

My Hospital Stay

Over an hour passed. If I remember right it was actually over two hours by the time that I woke up. I was sore, sleepy, and all alone in a big room. I tried to sit up, but that was not going to happen. Silent tears streamed down my cheeks as it really sank in what I had just done. I had just given up my baby girl to another family. I was never going to hold her, she would never get to hold my fingers, or my hand.

I wasn’t going to be there for her first words, her first steps, or her first day of school. The reality of the situation was so hard. I hadn’t let myself think about all of those firsts during the pregnancy. I told myself to stop wallowing in what never would be and that is when I realized my ex wasn’t there. I panicked even more. I wondered if he had left, if this was all too much for him. My emotions were a mess and no one had answers when I asked them where he was.

My sense of time was no where to be. It didn’t help that I was still groggy from the anesthesia, but it felt like forever before he walked into the room with our friend from his work. Seeing them two made things so much easier for me. I cannot remember what was said or anything. I remember having more paperwork to sign and I remember lots of people coming and going.

I was in for two days which really didn’t seem too terribly long. My arms were terribly bruised as were my hands because I kept getting dehydrated and they would have to put in a new IV of Saline every time they thought I was doing well. When I finally left all I could think about was getting back to my life and moving forward.

The Aftermath of The Adoption

Getting home was hard. I had to walk slowly. I was sore and walking up the stairs to our apartment was hard and painful, but I pushed forward. I can be one very stubborn little bitch when I need to be. The next few days, weeks, and months were hard and things were not quite the same with me and my ex. We did not talk about what we had done. We acted mostly like it did not happen. I knew this was a bad way to deal with it, but I could not handle much else right then.

There is so much more to tell you about how I handled the aftermath and that is something I will share in a completely different post because that will be another epic post that I hope will help other birthmother’s out there not feel so alone like I did. Please stay turned to hear the next portion of my story.

I would also love to hear your thoughts and stories. If you have gone through anything remotely similar to this please feel free to reach out to me. Visit my Contact Me Page or leave me some comments and I will get right back with you.

Filed Under: Featured, Health Tagged With: Abortion, Adoption, Caesarean section, Family, michigan, Mother

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